Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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