just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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