u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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