And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
