There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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