I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
