....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
