just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
