This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just google imaged poop.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
this hospital has no fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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