so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm having to shit out rocks
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
