I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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