Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
