I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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