Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
