I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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