I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
