my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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