Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
