It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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