Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
