Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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