Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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