cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
