I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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