She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
