I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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