This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
