and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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