Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
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My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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