fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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