I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
