How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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