I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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