How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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