Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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