Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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