he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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