I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
