did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
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I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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