cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize