I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
