Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
