Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
