I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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