I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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