she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
