this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
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I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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