there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
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