I skipped work to stalk him.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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