Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
worst night to have a conscience
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
