I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
