you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
