Joe is yelling at the trees again.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i out mim tonsoeep
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