Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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