Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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