i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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