I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
