I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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