please come you make the beer taste better
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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