Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Operation Purity has been aborted
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
