I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
