Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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