you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
