i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
