Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
