i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
