i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
