woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
