Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
