Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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