Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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