ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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