At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
