i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
