he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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