What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
