yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
