I wanna bring you to show and tell
Jerry, you need to find god
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
